Erik: ...Well, since Joey took his story down, we needed to find new shit to spork...sooo...
Creep: In this classic, Candace finally busts the boys....and like usual, the universe isn’t happy about it and shit hits the fan big time.
Phineas grinned at his brother. "Ready?"
Ferb put his welding glasses on and gave him a thumbs up.
Creep: Inventing! Holy shit!
The triangle-headed boy Phineas did the same, and then pushed the little red button.
Isabella went flying, her joyful scream reaching their ears in a pleasant way. She soared back down to earth, and hit the ground rolling. Lights flashed as she tumbled across the giant game board. The bumpers flicked her back into play, and she bounced between a few more pins.
Creep: Sooooo...it’s a ball....bouncing hitting pins? Is it bowling? Or a maybe a giant pinball of sorts?
"This is the best idea we've ever had," Phineas said happily.
Creep: Well, it’s an a legit invention which is something...
Erik: I thought you read this.
Buford and Baljeet were working the bumpers, keeping the Isa-ball-a in play. "High score!" Buford shouted.
Creep: So it is a giant pinball?
Erik: ...Sounds painful. But hey, a fucking invention. +2 points
Creep: Well, they made a giant bowling ball, so it sounds sorta the same...
Little did the boys know that a force of evil
Creep: Candace isn’t evil. >.>
was scoping them out from the living room, binoculars pinned to her eyes. "I figured it out, Stacey,"
Erik: I thought it was Stacy...
Creep: ...Is IS “Stacy”. There’s no “E”....
Candace murmured into her phone. "I won't even tell them I'm busting them. I'm just going to sit here until Mom gets home and then I'll bust them."
"Um, don't you think this is going a little too far?" Stacey wondered, concern evident in her voice.
Erik: ...Seems like a typical plan.
"NO IT IS NOT!" Candace shouted. On the other end of the line, Stacey cowered at her ferocity.
Creep: *whispers* Someone’s must be on their time of the moment...>.>
Meanwhile, at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., Perry was in the process of foiling Doof's latest evil scheme. This one involved an oversize Ducky Momo costume and several jars of peanut butter.
Erik: ….The story has some mistakes...but...so far it’s not so bad. Dear God, please tell me you didn’t sign us up for one of those misleading smut fics...
Creep: Hey bro, remember that sex story where Doof and Perry started out with a legit story?
Erik: Oh you mean the one with Doctor Romney and Obama the Platypus?
Creep: Yes, but there’s no sex....no, no, it’s much worse. =3 DEATH.
Erik: ...Meh, sex is worse.
Creep: Death...and emo scenes. =3
Erik: ...How emo? Thomas emo?
Creep: No...but it’s sort of like Candace being emo over Francis kinda emo; it’s annoying but ot inconsistent.
Erik: ...OK, sex is better then.
"How did you escape your trap, Perry the Platypus?" Doof wondered. He stared at the sticky goops of peanut butter in confusion, certain that his trap had been foolproof.
Creep: It’s peanut butter!
It may have been foolproof, but it was not platypus-proof.
Creep: Again, peanut butter.
Perry smacked him with his epic beaver tail. Doof then got out his peanut-butter-glob-firing-inator and started shooting at the evasive agent. Perry then hid in the Ducky Momo costume, causing Doof to destroy his own evil plan by pelting it with globs of peanut butter.
"Gah! Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Doof cried agonizingly. Perry slid out of the costume and, taking care to tread on the peanut-butter-glob-firing-inator, he left the building.
Creep: Rather....quick, but hey, an inator is an inator...or at least a wacky one...
Erik: ...Alright...so far so good....
Back at the Flynn/Fletcher household, Candace was glued to the window, determined not to miss a moment of what was happening outside. Her mom's crocheting class had ended about ten minutes ago, and any moment now the red car would be pulling into the driveway. The boys' giant human pinball machine still hadn't vanished.
Creep: CALLED IT! YEAH! >D
Erik: YOU READ IT! YEAH! >D
"Mustn't get too confident now," she told herself. "If I think this is my lucky day, it'll fold up into a little present or sink into the ground or get carried away by a helicopter. Can't let myself get cocky." Determinedly, she continued to gaze at the backyard.
Creep: Then one day....fate took a turn...
Erik: *giggle* She said the C-word......Can’t. =3
Her heart pounded as she heard the front door open. She couldn't believe it. It was still there. The jingling of keys reached her ears, and it took all her self control not to run and drag her mother to the window.
"Candace, look at what I made for the boys," she heard her mother call. "I've been working on it for weeks and—Candace? Why are you staring at the backyard?"
Candace took a deep breath and chanced to speak. "Come and see," she said simply, and winced. What if speaking the words had jinxed it somehow?
Creep: And then????
"Honey, I don't see what could possibly be out there that you—." She gasped. "Oh my gosh," she breathed. Her voice escalated into a yell. "What are they doing!" Linda rushed outside, her face getting redder by the minute.
Creep: *dramatic music plays*
Erik: We haven’t seen this episode multiple times before. <.<
Candace followed cautiously. It was too good to be true. Maybe this wasn't her mom, like that one time with the alien. Or maybe she would suffer from short term memory loss, and the boys would get away with yet another crazy stunt.
"Oh. Hey Mom!" Phineas called, waving happily. "Like our pinball machine?"
"LIKE IT?" screamed Linda.
Linda: *roars like a lion* RRRAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! >(
Ferb met Phineas's eyes and gave him a thumbs up. Candace felt a grin splitting her lips. This was the moment she had been waiting for. She got herself ready for the "so busted" dance.
"I can't believe you two did this!" she yelled, and the boys cowered back in fear. "Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? You could get killed! And you put all the kids in the neighborhood in danger, too. How could my sons be so irresponsible? You are grounded, Phineas and Ferb! For… for the rest of summer!"
Erik: ...It’s odd how she seems to react differently even in the show. One scenario she’s flipping a bitch, another scenario she thinks it’s cool, a third scenario, she shrugs it off.
Creep: Well, for one she didn’t know and the other, I think she was too old to really care; she had to know anyway...
The two were silent as they stared at their fuming mother in shock. Finally, a single word escaped Ferb's mouth. "What?" he said disbelievingly.
"You heard me, GROUNDED!" Linda shrieked. "Go to your room, the both of you! I'm calling your father the instant I get back inside the house. Just wait until he hears about this!"
"Yes!" Candace cheered. "So busted, so busted, so busted!"
Creep: The day has finally come!
Erik: *plays Candace them*
"Um, Mrs. Flynn," Isabella said innocently, her eyes still spinning from being the ball, "we weren't doing anything dangerous. We do things like this all the time, and—."
"WHAT?" she exclaimed. "All the TIME? Oh, I am calling your parents, young lady. And yours, and yours, Baljeet and Buford. I suggest you go home and tell them yourselves before you make things any worse for yourselves."
Creep: Burn kids, burn.
She turned to Candace, who was still happily dancing around. "Honey, I am so sorry I never believed you. How many times have my babies been in mortal danger this summer?"
Creep: Watch as hell breaks loose and shit will hit the fan....
"Only every day!" Candace told her happily.
Linda sighed, and she looked close to tears. "I'm calling Lawrence," she said, and she went into the house.
Candace skipped after her, the happiest she'd ever been. This was the best day ever. "Oh, there you are Perry," she said, noticing the blue-furred platypus.
"I thought I told you two to go to your room!" Linda commanded.
Candace blinked through her blissful happiness and saw her brothers standing on the stairs.
Creep: Dum dum dummmmm....
Erik: ...Damn, kinda sadistic when you think about it.
"We are," Phineas assured her. And then, just before he proceeded up to the second floor, Candace saw something she had never seen on the face of her brother before.
A truly furious, coldhearted glare.
Creep: …..oh boy. o.o’
"Candace doesn't want us to have fun," Phineas declared to Ferb. "That's what she's been trying to do all summer; get us in trouble so we won't have fun anymore."
"It is rather cruel," Ferb mentioned.
"Cruel?" Phineas repeated. "It's awful! Terrible! Beyond the normal brother-sister meanness! There was nothing wrong with what we were doing." Phineas paused, and Ferb could practically see the light bulb appearing over his brother's triangle head. "Ferb," he said evilly, "I know what we're going to do tomorrow."
Creep: And lo, Evil Phineas is born.
Ferb blinked blankly. They were grounded. Everyone knew that when you were grounded, you couldn't do anything. Mom's word was law.
"I know, I know," Phineas said, looking guilty. "We'll be breaking Mom's rules, but we wouldn't have to do that if a certain sister hadn't ruined everything for us."
Ferb blinked in understanding. He pulled out the project book.
"Good thinking," agreed his brother. "This will take a while to plan."
Creep: It always makes me laugh about how the universe literally falls about if the boys are busted.
Erik: ...Reminds me of that one vision Candace had of Phineas scheming on their do-nothing day.
Creep: Just to remind you...this is not a dream, folks....
When morning came, the boys woke up, satisfied with the plot they had come up with earlier. It was perfect, and, most importantly, it was mean.
"Ready Ferb?" Phineas asked his brother.
Ferb blinked in response, and in a heartbeat they had sped out of the room and assumed their places at the table.
"Phineas! Ferb!" cried Linda, looking at them indignantly from behind the kitchen counter. "What are you going to do today?"
"We're going to b—ow," Phineas said, massaging the place Ferb had elbowed him. "I mean we're not doing anything, because we're grounded." Phineas then pulled out his gun and shot everyone.
Creep: Saw that.
Erik: That’s what you wanted isn’t it? ISN’T IT?!?!?
"You've got that right, young man," she continued. She began wiping the counter of whatever. "Candace is going to be in charge. The fastest flight your father could get from Britain lands four hours away, so I'll be gone for the day."
Creep: Damn; without Lawrence, the punishment would have been much softer.
Erik: “The Britain Lands”? XD She mentions it like it’s the kingdom of Hyrule.
"Okay," Phineas replied.
Linda glared at the stain in the counter. "And when we get back, ooh, you two will be in so much trouble."
Creep: She grounded them....how much trouble can they...NM, stupid question...
Erik: Well according to some White Knights, Lawrence is an abusive Father who regularly beats his children.
Phineas and Ferb blinked at each other. "Okay," he said again. He looked around awkwardly, and in doing so, noticed the absence of a certain semi-aquatic egg laying mammal. "Hey, where's Perry?" he asked.
The answer to that was Candace's room. When Perry was certain no one was looking, he stood up on his back feet and donned his hat. He snuck under her bed, so that only his eyes were visible. Abruptly, those vanished as well, and he reappeared in the briefing room, Major Monogram's enormous face being played on the screen.
"Good morning, Agent P," said MM. "There's something different about you today. Is that a new hat?"
Perry said nothing.
Creep: His owners got busted and now he killed Candace to avenge them.
Creep: It’s a joke, bro. XD
"Well, it looks striking," he continued. "Anyways, Doofenshmirtz recently took up a day job at the local animal shelter. We know that he's not one to volunteer his good services like that, so your mission is to find out his ulterior motive, and stop him if necessary."
The platypus saluted. A metal claw extended from the ceiling (much to our loyal agent's alarm) and picked him up. As he exited the room via giant metal claw, the music kicked in, with a girl's choir of "A-gent P!"
Erik: Doo be doo be doo bah.
Candace gleefully waved Linda goodbye from the driveway, watching the dejected faces in the living room window from the corner of her eye. Finally! Her brothers had been busted. This called for a victory song.
Creep: Oh lord....
"I finally did it
The boys have been busted
I never quit it
I'm again trusted
Because they're GROUNDED
And that's how they're gonna stay!
Yes they're GROUNED
So I'm gonna call Jere-may!"
Creep: Oooo, that last rhyme was painful.
Erik: This feels like Gruntilda sung it.
And with that, she pulled out her phone and dialed his number.
Inside, Phineas and Ferb had stopped watching their sister, and instead took over her song.
"Yes we're GROUNDED
But that's not gonna stop us
Because our parents don't trust us
We're gonna get her back!
Plan Candace: Attack!
She will regret the day
She took our summer away
The war is on
It has been from the get go
And in the form of song
This is our manifesto!
Creep: Okay, a little effort here...
Erik: Hey they wrote their own song, so I’ll give em credit for that.
The boys gave a final jam on the guitars they had pulled out of thin air somewhere near the middle of Phineas's singing. "Great imrpov, brother," Ferb congratulated.
"Thanks," Phineas said. "Your dancing was pretty spectacular." He tossed his guitar away.
Creep: Not so bad...
Erik: Ferb’s talking a little too much...not too bad though.
"Now, we can't perform this plan alone. Think Isabella will be up for some revenge?"
Creep: You know, I just imagine the universe having tons and tons of different punishments whenever P&F are busted. One was the boys getting sent away, another Doof takes over the work...
Erik: Oh I KNOW Isabella will be up for some revenge...*remembers Isabella Snaps*
"Of course!" cried the black haired girl. The boys were standing outside her bedroom window, as it was on the ground floor of her house. "It is Fireside Girl policy to seek vengeance on those who have wronged you!"
Creep: XD Is it kinda funny I imagine her talking like a dubbed anime character with that last line?
Erik: ...I imagined her talking in her normal voice and it kinda cracked me up. XD
"Aren't you grounded, too, though?" Phineas asked.
"Well, yeah," said Isabella guiltily, "but that's not going to stop me! You two said so yourselves, remember? The song?"
Creep: Oop, there goes the fourth wall....
"Oh yeah," said Phineas. He extended his hand to help her get over the sill. She took it gratefully, and out she hopped. "Come on, we still need to get Baljeet and Buford."
"No, no, no," Baljeet said firmly. He folded his arms and shook his head. "I am in so much trouble because of you, Phineas. Do you not see this black sash on my arm?"
"I do see it, Baljeet, and I was going to ask you what it was for…" Phineas trailed off.
"It is a sign that I am a disrespectful child. A bad seed! My God, is your triangle head full of nothing but troublesome schemes? I cannot show my face in public without feeling such a terrible shame," finished their Indian friend angrily.
Creep: I can’t help but admittingly giggle at Baljeet being angry.
Erik: Wtf? XD
"I never meant for this to happen!" Phineas argued heatedly.
"You people make me sick!" replied Baljeet, butting heads with his former friend.
Creep: And the boys lost one of their good friends. Way to go, Candace!
"Boys, boys!" Isabella interrupted, stepping between the two. "Arguing isn't going to get Candace into trouble. Baljeet, we could use your help. Would you?"
Baljeet looked pointedly away. "No thank you," he said firmly. "This is one antic I would rather like to sit out."
Phineas huffed at him. "Very well," he forced. "We can still try Buford. Goodbye, Baljeet."
"Goodbye, Phineas," replied Baljeet.
Doofenshmirtz holding a puppy!
Creep: It must be me...I can’t remember this story so well, so it could go either way...
Creep: I can’t remember if this story was “So Bad, It’s Good” or “So Bad, It’s Horrible”.
Erik: It’s not really bad so far compared to Fanfic standards.
Doof was holding the adorable little creature with caring hands, scratching it behind the ears so that its tail wagged happily. Abruptly, the door to the shelter burst open, revealing the most spectacular secret agent of all time with his dukes up.
"Ah, Perry the Platypus, right on time," Doof complimented. "Now, would you do me a favor?"
Perry blinked and lowered his fists.
Doof pressed a button on the wall, and a cage fell from the ceiling. It landed just to the right of its target. Perry's face went from one of fear to one of exasperation.
Creep: Just a simple cage? Boooo.
"Oh darn it," Doof cursed. "I guess you'll just have to pretend you're trapped so you can listen to my evil monologue. See, Perry the Platypus, when I was a young boy, all I ever wanted was a puppy. But my parents were evil, villainous fiends who got my brother Roger all the cats he could stand, and they left me puppy-less.
Creep: ….what about “Only Son”?
Erik: ...I was just gonna say. XD
"Well, this is my revenge! I shall place a chip in all the ears of the puppies here in the animal shelter, like so—are you watching, Perry the Platypus? There. This will make them—when the chip is activated—obey only my voice. And then when the puppies are adopted, I shall still have control over them, and with an army of puppies I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, shall control the entire Tristate Area!"
Creep: PFFFTTTT. XD An army of puppies...hmmm....it’s as if I know this joke somewhere...XD
Erik: ...OK so that was a Doof level scheme...<.<
Doof glanced at Perry, who arched an eyebrow. "What?" Doof asked. "It could work."
Perry nodded sarcastically.
Creep: Just make them huge and no army will ever shoot at their adorable faces. =3
Erik: Apparently Clarence would...<.<
Clarence: Did not! >.>
Doof glared at him. He placed the puppy that was in his arms on the ground. "Sic him, Fido!"
The puppy ambled towards Perry, his tongue lolling. Perry blinked. It was too cute. He wanted to reach out and pet it, and did so. Abruptly, tiny puppy teeth sunk into his arm. If he could speak, what Perry would have said then was "YOW!"
Creep: Looks are deceiving...
"There she is," Phineas said, eyes in his binoculars. He, Ferb, and Isabella were hiding in the bushes outside Jeremy's house. They had encountered a problem with Buford similar to that they'd had with Baljeet, leaving the whole revenge business to the three of them.
"What's she doing?" Isabella inquired.
Phineas She’s going into the bathroom...she’s got this white stick...and...oh...oh NO! ARGH!! DX I didn’t wanna see that!!
Erik: ….So why did they have trouble with Buford?
Creep: Wouldn’t be a good assumption that Buford, a former bully, would roll with revenge? I mean, he acts violent, so it’s a good bet he’d join in.
Phineas hesitated. "She's going to the door. Jeremy just opened the door. Now he's outside with her. They're walking, they're walking, they're COMING THIS WAY! DUCK!" he cried.
The three of them dove into the leaves just in time.
"Did you hear something, Candace?" Jeremy asked.
"You're interrupting my story of how I finally busted my brothers!" Candace said indignantly. "Anyways, so I was…"
Phineas glared in her direction, unable to believe what was reaching his ears. "That bitch!" he hissed, and Ferb winced at his cruel language.
"Sorry Ferb, but she's really making me mad." He adjusted some of the leaves so he could see. "Quick, there they go. After them!"
As they inconspicuously trailed their sister, Isabella panted out her question. "So what… exactly are we going to do to get Candace?" she asked.
Ferb pulled out his camera and winked.
Creep: ….>.> Ughhhh....
"What he said," Phineas agreed.
Isabella blinked. "But he didn't say anything," she protested. "Hey, wait up!"
Erik: Oh just a camera? Maybe this won’t be so bad.
"Okay," Phineas said, going into plan mode. "A date in the park. Perfect. Ferb, we covered that possibility, right?"
His brother pulled out the project book and leafed through the pages, finally presenting Phineas with a thumbs up.
"Excellent. Execute, plan Candace: Attack version P," commanded the triangle shaped boy.
"What do you want me to do?" asked Isabella.
Phineas: Take a knife and murder them...and make it look like Jeremy did it.
Phineas pulled a rope out of nowhere. "Run this from that tree, across the path, and tie it around that bench over there, okay?" As she left to do as he said, Phineas turned to Ferb. "Position the camera over there, so we'll get a good angle. I'm going to place these roller skates near the ice cream cart. You know the rest."
Ferb nodded. He placed the camera as Phineas had instructed and checked the view. Perfect. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick of gum, which he proceeded to chew. Very sneakily, he crept over to the bench and placed the chewed gum on one of the wooden bars. Afterwards, he pulled a quarter from his pocket and set it delicately on the ground in front of the bench.
Creep: For some reason, I am reminded of a scheme from Ed, Edd n’ Eddy....
Erik: ...Won’t they get in more trouble over this?
Creep: Vengence is worth it! >D
Phineas looked around, praying that the dog would be there. They had an alternate plan in case the dog wasn't there, but it would be so much more humiliating if it was. To his joy, he spied the mangy creature nosing around a trash bin. He found a sizable stick and lay in wait, ready to whistle at the given signal.
"Hey," Isabella panted, and he jumped. He hadn't been expecting her to join him. "Oh, it's that stray," she remarked, gesturing to the dog.
"Yup," Phineas replied, "and he's a key element in our plan. Oh!" he cried, and he lowered his voice. "Look, there they are!"
Creep: Ohhhh, make a dog maul Candace, of course! Make it look like bad luck!
The two remained silent as Candace and her boyfriend took a seat on the bench… the same bench Isabella had tied the rope around and Ferb had stuck his gum on. Candace sat directly on the chewed wad. Perfect.
Candace and Jeremy talked for a bit, and Phineas watched intently as he waited for one of them to see the quarter. Abruptly, the two kissed, shocking the young boy. And it wasn't just a kiss; this was a full blown make out session.
Creep: With tongues.
"Ew," Phineas said, disgusted. "I thought people only did that in movies."
"You mean you don't want to do that with someone?" Isabella questioned with hurt in her voice.
Creep: Whoa....a Phinbella moment....literally just a moment like in the show. 0.0 It’s crazy, you’d expect an entire scene or dialogue about it, but it’s only a few lines...
Phineas noticed her pain, and was about to press the matter when Candace saw the quarter. He quickly forgot about Isabella and watched intently as she bent over to pick it up. Jeremy noticed the gum on her skirt as she did so. All according to plan.
Candace said something, and Jeremy assured her of something else. He then took the quarter, thinking he was saving Candace some dignity, and went to the ice cream cart to purchase a cone for her. Phineas almost laughed aloud. The blond headed boy was doing exactly the opposite.
Phineas raised the stick, and his lips formed a low whistle. The stray mutt's ears pricked up, searching for the source of the noise. He whistled again. This time the dog saw him, tail wagging and tongue hanging out happily.
"See the stick, boy?" Phineas coaxed, waving it slowly back and forth. The dog's eyes followed it intently. "See it? Then go GET IT!" And he threw the stick in Jeremy's general direction.
Erik: ...Woah, fuck, now we’re dragging Jeremy into this?
The mutt bolted after it. It got the stick, but it had too much momentum. Jeremy saw this, and tried to run, but alas, his feet landed in the roller skates Phineas had so conveniently placed earlier. Jeremy went rolling down the sidewalk, making sounds to indicate he was off balance. The dog continued to chase him as he fought to stay upright and keep from dropping Candace's ice cream.
Creep: It’s starts from light-hearted to....dark shit.
"Oh no," he said, for he had seen the rope. He braced himself, expecting to trip, but he was going far too fast for that. Instead, he took the rope with him, dragging along the bench, which had Candace gum-glued to it.
Suddenly, the rope ran out, and the tree bent in an effort to keep its roots in the ground. Jeremy collided with Candace and the bench, dropping the ice cream on her. They were both pulled around by the rope, and finally launched into the fountain.
Erik: ...That’s it? That was Phineas’s big bad revenge? You were going on about fucking murder.
Creep: Well to be fair, I honestly imagine a montage of Phineas failing to get back as his sister; it’s still Phineas. XD
"Candace? Are you okay?" Jeremy said. His attempt to stand was foiled by the roller skates, and he fell again. However, in falling, he was able to get a good look at the roller skates stuck to his feet, particularly at the name written on them in Sharpie. He blinked. "You set this all up?"
"Huh?" repeated Candace. She tried to get off the bench, which was on top of her, but had no such luck. "What makes you think I would do something like this?"
Jeremy glared at her through his sopping bangs. "Maybe you want to break up with me," he said testily.
Creep: Say what?
Erik: ...What this is the revenge? They seriously predicted Jeremy would have a spazz attack over this?
"What? No! Why would I want that?" Candace cried. "We're going to get married and have two kids! Xavier and Amanda. And then we'll grow old and—."
"That's just creepy," Jeremy growled.
Creep: ….that’s just creepy? THIS was creepy? She’s stalked you since you were in middle school and....this is creepy? Why are you suddenly creeped out by this?
Erik: ….Was this written by BSM?
Creep: No, but Candace does have her fair share of haters.
Candace continued her vain effort to get her butt unstuck from the bench. "I don't understand!" she wailed.
"You know what? I think you did all this because you don't have a nickname," Jeremy said. He had finally managed to stand up. "Well now you do, Gum Butt. I'm leaving. And I never, ever want to see you again, Candace Flynn!" He stumbled out of the fountain. "And I'm keeping the roller skates!" he called as an afterthought.
Candace: And I won’t use the banana!
Erik: ...Wtf? XD ...Idk why, but this dialogue made me laugh.
The mutt followed him, seeming to think he had thrown the stick. It whined for Jeremy to play some more.
Candace, having unstuck herself from the bench, sunk down into the shallows of the fountain, placed her head in her hands, and began to cry.
Creep: You know what I realized? The reality of Candace not busting her brothers hasn’t set it....
Phineas and Ferb hi-fived.
"That… that was really mean, you guys," Isabella said hesitantly.
Erik: ...Again, CreepE was going on about murder.
Creep: And really, why are you complaining, Isabella? You played a role in this...
"She deserved it," Ferb justified. He looked to Phineas. "What shall we do tomorrow, brother?"
Erik: ...You talk too much.
"I don't know," Phineas said. His hand found Isabella's. "I kinda wanna try what Candace and Jeremy were doing before we destroyed their relationship."
Perry waved his arm around frantically. Doofenshmirtz laughed hysterically. "See? An army of puppies will give me what I want!" he chortled.
Snapping out of the pain, Perry launched himself at Doofenshmirtz. With a flurry of martial arts moves, the platypus knocked the doctor to the ground. He ripped the device that controlled the puppy's mind out of Doof's fingers and crushed it under his webbed foot.
"Aw, c'mon, Perry the platypus, that wasn't even a fight!" Doof cried in disappointment. "I mean, you hit me, what, four times? And it's over? I didn't even lay a hand on you! Hey, don't you go walking away, Perry the platypus, I didn't finish my rant!"
Creep: At least it sounds like Doof.
Erik: When does this get extremely bad?
Perry rolled his eyes. He stooped by the puppy and pinched the device out of its ear. The dog shook its head and yapped excitedly. Perry crushed the chip between his fingers.
"Are you listening to me, Perry the platypus? This is an animal shelter, you know, I have hundreds of animal medical products at my disposal! I just might use those to take over the Tristate Area. What do you say to that, Perry the platypus?"
The door slammed shut, leaving Doofenshmirtz all alone with his puppy, Fido.
Doof: At least I have you! *huggles Fido*
Phineas and Ferb hardly heard a word of their father's angry lecture. They were too busy relishing in the sobs of Candace upstairs as their mother tried to comfort her.
"…going into the eighth grade now, and I thought boys your age were more responsible…" Lawrence rambled on and on. "…had to leave London because of you two…Lord knows what would have happened if your sister hadn't been looking out for you—."
"Looking out for us?" Phineas repeated. He jumped off the couch, on his feet. "We were perfectly fine! We can take care of ourselves, Dad. Candace was just hell bent on getting us in trouble, and now that she's succeeded, what will either of us do all summer?"
Erik: It’s bad...but...not horrible yet.
"Where did you learn such language, young man? I'm beginning to think we should put you and Ferb in separate rooms, if these are the schemes that come out of both your heads!" Lawrence roared. "I don't care if your brains die of boredom! You could kill yourselves doing the shenanigans you've been doing and I won't hear another word of it!" He pointed up the stairs fiercely. "To your room!"
Creep: Lawrence? 0.0 Uhhhhhhh.......you don’t care. You...NEVER cared.....EVER. AT ALL....Why are you being mean when you clearly didn’t care!?
Erik: Why is Lawrence angry? He saw them build a fucking monster truck.
Creep: He rode a magic carpet over the fuckin’ city!
Both got off the couch, prepared to head up the stairs, when Lawrence interrupted. "Not you, Ferb. Just Phineas. I want to talk to you alone."
Creep: Because why have Ferb talk when you can have Phineas the Mouthpiece? And I mean this as a good thing.
Eyes wide, Ferb sat back on the couch. Phineas cast one last glare at his father before marching up the stairs.
Lawrence sighed and sat down next to his son. He stared at him for a long time, wondering where on earth the green hair had come from. Absently, he placed his arm on his shoulder, patting him. "You know," he began, "I don't mind that you two were doing crazy, death defying things so much."
Creep: Then, why are you pissed?
Ferb blinked and looked up at his father. It didn't make sense. They had broken rules, hadn't they? And when rules were broken, punishment had to be issued. Ferb was already prepared to sleep on the couch until the guest room was fixed into a suitable bedroom for him.
Creep: What? You’re spliting up the brothers?
"No, what I do mind, though, is that your brother is acting so… rebellious, I suppose." Lawrence shook his head. "He's not my son, technically. I can't punish him without feeling a little guilty. But he is your brother. Please talk some sense into him, Franklin."
Creep: *blinks* …..yeah...FRANKLIN.
Erik: Also...rebellious? Uhhhh...you’ve been feeding his habit, Lawrence, you hypocrite. <.<
Creep: I’m still confused about “Franklin”; how is Ferb short for “Franklin”?
Ferb winced. The use of his full name wasn't a common occurrence, not even when he was in trouble. He did not move. A brother was a brother, and he felt they were justified in what they did to their sister. Not that their father knew it was them who did it.
Silently, Ferb got up and walked over to the stairs. He did not look back at his father. He would handle this on his own.
Creep: CUE PHINEAS VS. FERB!
Phineas did not sleep that night. It wasn't the restless kind of wakefulness, but the kind where he wanted to stay awake. He had to sort out all the things that were buzzing around his head. When Ferb had finally crept into the darkened bedroom, he had feigned sleep so his brother wouldn't interrupt his thinking.
The silence in the room told him Ferb was awake as well. Perhaps his mind was busy also. It hardly mattered.
Until Ferb broke the silence.
"I think we should tell Jeremy it was us," he said simply. His voice sounded loud in the quiet of the room.
Erik: ...Is there really murder in this story?
Creep: I can’t recall murder, but someone actually dies.
Phineas turned to stare at him. Ferb's eyes were trained to the ceiling, awaiting his reply. He narrowed his eyes and followed suit. "Why?" he asked the ceiling with anger in his voice.
Ferb exhaled softly. "Because," he began, "the damage has been done. Candace has been hurt. We don't need to elongate the torture."
Creep: Ughhhh....Ferb dialogue! DX
Erik: Up till now it actually wasn’t too bad...>.<
"Out torture is going to last all summer, Ferb," Phineas snapped. "It's only fair that hers does the same."
"Phineas, what we're doing to her isn't torture. It's emotional murder. What if she kills herself over this?"
Creep: Stop it story, STOP IT! DX Enough with the chatting!
"Oh she won't do that," Phineas said, waving away his suggestion.
Ferb fell silent. Phineas leaned into his pillows, feeling victorious. He smiled as he thought about tomorrow. For some reason, it felt more exciting to do what his parents told him he shouldn't. It was more of an adrenaline rush.
Phineas: I built things to get an erection. =3
Erik: ...Dafuq, Phineas? 0.0
What if he could keep creating his crazy inventions in secret? It would be ten times more thrilling, ten times more fun. He could already feel the exhilaration in performing something his parents would shake their heads at. Who knew it would be fun to disobey?
Phineas: Hehehe....heheheeh...MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!!!! >D
There was a chattering sound, and Phineas turned his head. "Oh," he laughed. "There you are, Perry."
Ferb walked down the street alone. It felt weird, not having Phineas by his side, but the redhead had disappeared.
Ferb: ….he fell to the dark side....
Phineas: I am Phineas Flynn....and I....am a Black Knight.
Erik: ...This story is starting to sound like smut. 0.0
Guilt ripped through the poor boy when he remembered that he was grounded, and he wasn't supposed to leave the house, but he had to set things right.
He walked up to Jeremy's front door, blinked a few times, and knocked. Not a minute later, the door was opened by Jeremy's younger sister. Ferb couldn't remember her name.
Creep: ….*facepalm* You met before....>.>
Erik: ...More like the author couldn’t remember.
"Who are you?" she asked sweetly, with special emphasis on the last word.
Ferb just blinked at her. He was a man of few words,
Erik: If only.
and he wasn't about to waste them on this annoying little girl.
The girl frowned. "JEREMY!" she yelled abruptly. Ferb jumped. "There's a guy with green hair at the door and he won't talk to me!"
Creep: Ferb freaks out Suzy? Huh....
A moment later, Jeremy appeared at the door. He regarded Ferb with distaste. "Go on inside, Suzy. He's here to talk to me." The little girl rushed back inside, and Jeremy closed the door. "What, Ferb?" he snapped.
Erik: Are you on your period, bro?
Jeremy continued to glare at him. "You could say anything; I won't take her back. That was the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me."
Creep: You know, if this prank was so easy to break it off with Jeremy, why the fuck didn’t Suzy try this plan before? Get frikkin’ chewing gum; that’ll break them up!
Erik: ...Falling in a fountain was the most humiliating thing? Really?
"No, that won't convince me of anything," he continued stubbornly.
Ferb's eyes grew big and sad, like those of a deer. He folded his hands in a pleading motion.
Jeremy's face softened a bit. "Don't beg, please. That was one thing I can't forgive her for. I mean, all that over a nickname?"
Creep: …..I don’t recall for you being made when that happened, Jeremy. In fact, you seemed to like her more after that, actually.
Erik: ...I’m pretty sure Candace has done worse shit....
Ferb gave the slightest shake of his head.
"What?" he cried. "You mean that wasn't Candace? But they were her roller skates! And… wait a second." His expression changed. "There's something not fitting here. Why are you here all by yourself? Where's the other half of the dynamic duo?"
Creep: Or Phineas and Ferb.
Erik: Or... “Your Brother”.
Sadly, Ferb looked away and shrugged. He had a pretty good idea, but he didn't want to voice it around someone who was so close with Candace. Ferb was sick of everyone getting in trouble.
To his surprise, Jeremy placed a hand on his shoulder. "Aw, don't worry, little guy. It's gonna be alright. I'm sure he's at home, waiting for you. Let's go. I've got some apologizing to do."
Ferb nodded. He and Jeremy walked back to his house
Creep: For all the rare Feremy fans out there...
, where Candace's wails could be heard even from the street. Together, they plodded through the door and up the stairs, where they went their separate ways.
Creep: Here we go...
Jeremy timidly opened the door to Candace's room, looked to Ferb for luck, and entered. Ferb turned to his own bedroom door, took a deep breath, and finally turned the knob.
The door swung open, and Ferb slammed it closed again. What in the name of the Queen was going on in there?
Creep: ‘Cause Ferb is from British.
Phineas? And Isabella? And unless his eyes had deceived him, they were doing something he was certain they shouldn't be.
Creep: ….wait, what? 0.0’ Dude, they’re....9.
Erik: ...Why is he shocked? Phineas clearly said he was going to do it....
Creep: Wow, this story fell to shit fast, didn’t it?
"Ferb? What's the matter?" said Linda, appearing behind him. "Why are you just staring at the door? You can go in, you know."
He blinked. No he couldn't. No no no no no. He would feel like he was violating Phineas's privacy, and not to mention his brother would surely get mad at him if he did.
Linda stared at him. "Ferb? Are you alright?" She reached for the handle. "Did your brother throw you out? Phine—!"
Ferb knocked her hand away. He couldn't let her see Phineas and Isabella doing… that. "Jeremy's here," he said quickly.
"Oh?" said Linda. "Wow, that was a short fight. I should go make some pie to celebrate." And, thank God, she left.
Creep: I’m sure Phineas is having some pi--NO! DX Damn my twisted sense of humor! DX
Hesitantly, Ferb opened the door again. He exhaled in relief. Phineas and Isabella had stopped. They were still on Phineas's raft bed, a flush in their cheeks and their hair messy, but at least they weren't all entwined like earlier. And their clothes were still on. Now that would have been bad.
Phineas cleared his throat. "Ferb," he said, and there was a tone in his voice that Ferb had never heard before, "can't you see we're busy?"
Ferb walked straight across the room, rummaged through his sock drawer, and pulled out a notebook. He turned around and left the room, leaving the door wide open.
Before he even reached the end of the hall, he heard it close again. Ferb shuddered, and he ran the rest of the way to Candace's Panic Room.
He liked the Panic Room. It was nice and small and cut off from the rest of the family. Usually, when he went there, he would draw Vanessa in his notebook,
Creep: O curse.
or write down something that upset him.
Here was the first entry:
3-14-2005 Dad told me Mom died.
Erik: Oh great. =/
Creep: To be fair, how rare is Ferb being emo? XD
And that was all it said.
Afterwards, there were a few other dates that he had jotted down, like when Candace broke his favorite pen or when Perry was sick. Between those there were drawings of Vanessa, even one silly, childish cartoon of the two of them.
Ferb: ….*draws a dick* =3
Despite the embarrassment it caused him, Ferb could not bring himself to rip it out.
He picked up the pencil and flipped to the last page he had soiled with his words or doodles. This page had several drawings of eyes as he had fought to perfect Vanessa's perfect orbs.
Erik: ...Oh lord.
At the bottom, there was an open space. He chose to scrawl his sadness here.
7-24-2010 Caught Phineas with Isabella. Something's wrong with him.
Creep: ..yeah, he had underage sex.
Erik: ..No really?
Ferb set the pencil down and read over what he had written. It wasn't much, but the bareness of it helped to get his brain going. What exactly had he caught Phineas doing with Isabella? Something he was certain Phineas had considered gross not twenty-four hours ago. That was why he feared something was wrong with him.
Creep: He’s evil.
Lawrence was right. Phineas was acting rebellious.
Creep: He turned evil; this is why he shouldn’t be busted!
Before, there had never been a need to act out. Now Ferb was extremely concerned for his brother. This was one story that couldn't have a happy ending.
He stayed in the Panic Room for a long time, forcing himself to calm down. Eventually he began to draw some of his favorite days from summer, like the roller coaster and the race car. When he and Phineas weren't breaking the rules and got along. When Isabella was a friend and not an object of Phineas's newfound lust.
Creep: *shudder* Just...a holocaust of wrong...
She was just something Phineas was using to rebel against their parents. Isabella was going to get hurt at some point. It was only a matter of time.
Suddenly, Ferb began to wonder just how far Phineas would take this rebelling thing. Would he dabble with drugs? Alcohol? For God's sake, he was only thirteen! What if he started picking fights? He'd be killed!
Creep: Whoa, 13? 0.0
Erik: They did say he was nearing 8th grade...so I guess what he and Isabella did wasn’t a big deal....
Creep: ….they’re 13.
Erik: So? 10 year olds french.
Erik: Well what 13 year old hasn’t tongued a girl yet?
Creep: Most nerds.
Erik: ...Oh right...sorry bro. *hug*
Ferb knocked his head against the wall of the Panic Room, thinking of the irony. He was panicking in the Panic Room. Oh, how cute.
Creep: Hahaha, a joke....right after your brother had underage sex and you broke up your sister’s relationship with her boyfriend.
Finally, he heard Linda call for dinner. Ferb crawled out of the Panic Room, wondering where he could hide his notebook. He would need a new place for it, since Phineas had seen him retrieve it from the sock drawer. For now, Dad's old motorbike helmet would suffice.</p>